Janice Valdez

In the spring of 2006, I went into a state of bliss as our voice class at the Canada National Voice Intensive was invited to move to a glorious piece of classical music. My body and inner world has kept it in silent memory without a name or melody to utter for the 2 and a half year search. And alas, today, I discovered that the song I was so longing to hear again is Bach’s Suite for cello solo No. 3 in C major. I have much gratitude for the Vancouver Public Library for having the CD by Daniel Shafran in its collection. This suite unlocks my sheltered heart and like a soft soothing breeze, releases my soul parts from the heat of intellect and my whole being is immersed in a joyful dance.

Janice Down the Rabbit Hole bach, cello solo, joyful, SuiteNo.3, voice intensive, VPL

Janice Down the Rabbit Hole

I was just scrolling my facebook home page where it highlights all the status postings of my facebook friends. While I appreciated the updates on people’s thoughts and happenings, I recognized a sad truth: I am content to read about friends on facebook without participating much beyond being witness. And likely, many more months and years will pass in which I will miss having any direct human connection with some of these friends. Does that kind of engagement still qualify as “friend” in the way that I want “friend” to be? I’ll speak now to another experience today that seems unrelated but will later explain how I connect them.

This afternoon I was engaged in a very impassioned conversation with a friend and fellow artist about the state of the arts in Vancouver. This friend of mine, I’ll refer to her here as Tina, meets all sorts of people as a temp administrator in corporate offices and many of them claim not to know where to look to find arts and culture events in Vancouver. I speculated that those were excuses from people who simply had not made the effort to find out. Tina replied, “No, there was a person I worked with that had not ever heard about the Georgia Straight!” I find that difficult to believe but then all I have to do to be convinced is put myself into the lifestyle of someone whose priorities are focussed on many other things, other than the arts. And in this diversely rich city of Vancouver, there are many: hockey, outdoor sports, casinos, pubs, over-time at the office, outdoor sports, casinos, hockey! Being one whose career has revolved around the Arts, it’s a great challenge to imagine a lifestyle that does not involve being a patron of arts and culture. It’s a challenge to imagine it and sad that there are many for whom, this is their reality. Why do we not get excited about the theatre and other live performing arts in B.C. the way we get behind beer and hockey?! Again, here I’ll travel a little outside the lines….

I just attended the live tv recording of the Canadian Country Music Awards at GM Place and while yes, many more were able to view it at home on their personal televisions, there is nothing that will ever replace the experience of witnessing a live performance. Social online medias, tv, films, video recordings on mobile phones, even video conferencing; while all are extremely valuable and create opportunities to communicate at much higher rates of efficiency than a knock on the door or stage productions, they will never satisfy a basic human desire to be present with each other live! Eye to eye, voice to ear, hand to hand, energetic human vibrations!

As I’ve written this, I am in awe of the space that I have in this world via the internet and this website, to give voice to my thoughts. That is something incredibly powerful and amazing that humans have created this ability to access to ideas, thoughts, images and sounds globally, instantaneously. And the results of my words getting out into cyberspace, I cannot control nor fully know. And yet, it feels lonely still. Sure, one can reach a potentially wider audience using a television broadcast, making a film or adding faces on facebook, but when I look back on the experiences of my day, it was all the person to person experiences that were the most satisfying. When I sat in a venue filled with thousands of enthusiastic people cheering for the accomplishments of artists, when I sat across the table from a friend smiling and sharing stories over dinner, when I could hug my friend who made it possible for me to attend the music awards, and yell and poke (not a facebook poke!) him with excitement when my favourite artist came on to perform-these are moments unsurpassed and irreplaceable by technologies.

And so what was all this to express? Well, I guess I’m just reflecting upon the development of a habit to be passive when so much of technology affords us the convenience to be so. It is so easy not to make the effort to look someone in the eye because there is a text message to answer, or to gather with community, friends and family because facebook just updates us anyway, to go to live theatre because cable comes right into the home. I am reminding myself to spend time in-person and be present with people and places and other living creatures that I care for as often as I can, Today! The technology is meant to facilitate it, not give an excuse or distraction not to! Today was a nice balance.

Janice Down the Rabbit Hole, Performing Arts

I guess I was so engaged with my new beginnings that I failed to keep posting. And more of the truth is that I have been reluctant to post…to be public in general. I lost touch with the purpose of writing here.

Blogging as a way of communicating is easily deceptive. I mean that I can easily trick myself into believing that the words I write are only for me. From my perspective, the words are typed from my keyboard where no one is watching me type them and therefore, who could know to look for them on the internet? I write alone, therefore my words live in a blog cave. It’s quite plausible to me that no one ever reads what I write. And somehow, by just believing that, I can return to writing as a practice of enjoyment and expression. I find that whenever I express something for the sake of expressing it the results seem to more rewarding, effective, and satisfying. When I make a result the focus for my process of expression, things seem to come out wonky, forced, and the process becomes exhaustive. Not always, but often.

But why blog? I have a journal I can easily write in and enjoy the freedom of expression that privacy encourages. So I started thinking about why this blogging thing is worth my while. Well, what if there were a fire or natural environmental event that destroyed all documents and artifacts with my individual expressions on them? With a blog, my words are preserved and protected from natural disasters, as long as eventually, somewhere in the world, a portal could be reset to access the site.

I think if I had a readership (people who actually read what I write here) I would want to say sorry for my absence. But I think it might just be my parents who check this website and my brother who is the administrator. And maybe that’s the other reason that I am not consistent with writing…my audience already knows me - they are my family. So what’s the point of writing? Well, I guess for this entry, the point has been to just get me to show up and write for the pleasure it brings me. Me as my own audience when I’m older and very far removed from the times in which these thoughts were born. And writing here allows me to pretend that my voice, my words, and ideas have a place in this world. That way of looking at things makes it safer and more manageable for the lesser developed parts of myself that fear destruction. And if you are reading this and happen not to be a relative or friend then hopefully there is some value in these words for you. Otherwise, as a reader…what’s the point?

Janice Down the Rabbit Hole

I have a great appreciation for systems and options that can save time. I value efficiency. When given a choice between a route that will take 5 minutes and a route that will take 15 minutes, I’ll take the five minute route. If I can do yoga in an hour versus an hour and a half, my initial preference is the one hour class. However, does fast necessarily equal efficient? I sometimes overlook the value of things that take more time. As a result, I miss opportunities for growth and learning.

This morning, I took my time getting out of bed, and I took the time to make french toast rather than regular toast. Rather than create my list of “to-do’s” straight away, I took some time to watch a few TED talks. And the talk by Carl Honore on the benefits of slowing down inspired me to write this article to reflect on my concept of efficiency and how it relates to the use of time and the pace at which I move and act.

Have you ever done something very quickly but it turned out not to be so efficient? Efficiency, the way I see it, is when the ratio of value adding effects exceeds the investment or output of resource to create them. For instance, let’s say I am in a rush to bake a cake for a potluck. In my hurry to get ready, I start multi-tasking and I get distracted and lose focus and I forget to include one of the necessary ingredients that helps the cake rise well.  In effect, I end up using twice the amount of resources (ingredients, time and energy) to create the cake and I fail to prepare for the party in an efficient manner.

What are we omitting from our experience in this age of high-speed technology? While our focus is on getting somewhere more quickly and acquiring more quickly, what are we doing for our human consciousness to keep up with the astonishingly powerful technological creations? Are we evolving our behaviours to be wise, mindful and consciously connected?

Another way to look at the fast vs. slow question is to consider a human and how we develop movement. A baby who crawls typically moves more slowly across a floor than a toddler who walks.  They get to their destinations differently and develop the skills they need along their way, just by honouring their own pace.  I’ve actually heard it taught in a yoga class once that in some cases, babies who do not crawl enough during this developmental stage of learning to move, can develop challenges in their learning later in life. It’s as if the nervous system creates a foundation for our body’s processes during each stage of physical growth and to rush any stage of it makes it more likely that one will skip over valuable development in other areas of cognitive functioning.

So, as contrary as it may be to our habitual pace of modern life, it could be that slowing down really is essential for quality of life. Moments for pause and reflection, are to humans as baking soda is to cakes. Slowing down can help us to rise…to our potential. When I am training my body to do new things, it’s when it is at rest, that it integrates the new information. Slowing down and taking pause plays a critical role in allowing change to occur.  It has much to do with being present to the moment of now. That’s not to say that one can only be present when moving slowly, but it seems that it is easier to be fully present of mind and body when one is not in a frantic hurry. The state of being in a hurry is really driven by the anticipation of the future, isn’t it?  So to be fully present would require a detachment from our linear perception of time; perhaps a detachment from any construct of time.

This weekend certainly has been that for me. I’ve taken time to spend a day with my neices at the kitislano pool, a day to stay indoors and rest, and today I attended a community festival for arts and social change. All were choices that can be seen as time away from doing “business” things, but at the end of this slower paced weekend, I felt more inspired with more clarity of ideas for business than if I had spent my time working on spreadsheets and filing. So even when I slow down, I’m “getting stuff done.” That’s a great realisation and something to consider when I start worrying about whether or not I’m getting enough done in a day.

Janice Down the Rabbit Hole Carl Honore, efficiency, TED

The other evening, I met a woman who served me my meal at a Japanese restaurant who helped me put my current challenges into perspective. Let’s call her Ate (ah -teh). She immigrated to Canada from the Philippines alone and took work as a nanny, as many immigrant Filipinas do. And for the past ten years, her part-time job has been with the restaurant where we met. I was struck with admiration for this woman who is now 50 (but looks 40) for how graciously she does work that is well below her capabilities and potential.
Still at 50, she works two jobs! And there I am 31, the one being served, with no job. Her face lit up when I told her that my work is in the arts. I told her about the Aswang movie and her excited response was just enough encouragement to help me escape my pessimism. The look in her eyes as she eagerly asked to hear news of my next project reminded me how this time of unemployment is valuable.  I have a lot of work of my own I want to develop and now I have the time to bring forth those ideas into action! And it just feels different and new because for the first time in a very long time, the impetus to work and create is for me and the pure joy of creating and learning. Previously, I would take on work to fulfill a requirement for school, to gain approval from my family, my mentors, and very practically, I’ve taken work purely to make money. That just won’t do anymore. I am committing myself to creating a life in which my work is playful and valuable to for me, and then, and only then will my work have the highest value I have to offer for the world. Meeting Ate reminded me of why it is important that I build my skills as a storyteller through the arts; something I have struggled to get permission to do, to get acceptance to do, and to get paid to do. And now I’m coming into a recognition that all the struggle was within myself; between what I wanted and what I believed to be possible. I am reminded that uplifting one’s Self is uplifting the whole of humanity. Do what you love. Be where you love to be. And the how of your life will Be Love. It begins with believing. That’s my theory, anyway.

My parents immigrated almost 30 years ago with valiant hearts and bright dreams of bringing their children into a world of possibities in Canada. They did this because they believed in possibilities despite many things unknown. When I begin to feel doubtful, I’ll think of my parents and the hopeful eyes of Ate, who saw great possibilities where I was failing to look.

Janice Down the Rabbit Hole

Today is my first day of meditation for 40 days. Each morning, before 7am, ideally before 6.30am, I’ll meditate for a minimum of 10 minutes. I’d like to get up to at least 20 minutes but 10 is a good challenge to start. The other new goal I am committing to is my long time desire to learn Spanish. I bought an audiobook from the istore today so I can begin my mornings listening and learning during my morning commute. In addition to the audiobook, I get to attend Spanish classes offered at work. And I still maintain my 3 month goal of writing my solo play. The due date for that project is April 7th.

At home, I am setting the goal to be fully unpacked and organized in my apartment: shelves up, wallls accessorized and coloured, and office area organized and functional, before Easter. I have one month! Yikes!

Janice Down the Rabbit Hole, Uncategorized

Wow, I’m amazed at how fast the time has gone. On the fast track update: I moved to the westside in Vancouver December 1st. to a one bedroom. My first one bedroom! That was tremendously exciting. There was no slowing down though outside of home life, so many of my books and some clothes are still in boxes.

I spent Christmas eve with family in North Vancouver and did an overnight flight to North Bay, Ontario where I was warmly welcomed by Joe and his family. North Bay is a small community about 3 hours north of Toronto by car. There was lots of snow and a street named after me - Janice street!
We spent New Years in a Brazilian Steakhouse where I ate more meat in one sitting than I have eaten all year! And the pineapple roasted on the skewer! Divine! Joe and I had a great evening of dancing, eating, drinking and laughing with Aura and her fiance Adam. We did a fair bit of shopping in Eaton Centre and checked out Kensington Market.

Since then, Joe started a 4 month contract with a graphics company who placed him to run operations in Manhattan, of all places! And I dragged my feet back to Vancouver to continue building my work from where I am. I have tremendous support from Peak Gold for my artistic pursuits. It’s quite refreshing to be affiliated with such a caring and progressive company.

The World Premiere of “Aswang: Journey Into Myth” went very well in Victoria on Thursday, February 7th. Our film played at the same time as ‘The Walker’, and independent film starring Woody Harrelson and it was a rainy night so I thought it was a great turn out with the house 80-85% full. The Q & A went well afterwards and people showed a genuine interest in the subject and were pretty spooked. We’re hoping that it makes it into the Vancouver Fim Festival and the Toronto Film Festival next year.

I’ve started writing a play with the guidance and direction of Lina de Guevara of Puente Theatre. The goal is to have it written by early April and have a run in May, but I’m not making any promises.

In April I’ll be presenting at a conference in Philadelphia and in July I’ll be presenting the same research project to an International Social Sciences conference in Tuscany, Italy! This is the Arts in Medical Education pilot that I designed with a team of researchers at UVic in 2006.

I’ll be working on getting this blog and my website coordinated within the next few weeks. I’ve got a bunch of dates I’ll post for performances and events to come.

Janice Down the Rabbit Hole, Performing Arts

She’s pretty fantastic.  She’s got the inner strength of a warrior and the heart of a saint.  I didn’t always thinks so growing up because she was solid for holding me accountable for my load, but it’s so clear now. 

Every time she tells the story of how we immigrated over from the Philippines in 1978, I am always awe struck by the legacy of courage in my parents.  The commitment, resourcefulness and compassion that it took to give me and my brothers the up bringing we’ve been so privileged to have are things I aspire to match in my lifetime.  My mother inspires me, she makes me laugh, and I learn so much from our relationship.  

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!  Labya!

Janice Down the Rabbit Hole

I’ve taken on work these past two days through the fabulous recruitment group, McNeill Nakamoto, and am having a great time.  As a result of the increased prospects, however, I’ve dropped my work with Kidstage and I had my last, and only second class doing drama with 7-11 yr olds.  Today, I was in a corporate setting from 9.45am - 3pm and then with children playing games from 4-5pm; an interesting contrast and one that raises questions worth exploring.  Questions like, when does learning stop being fun and why?  When I facilitate and engage in play, it’s quite a lot of work for everyone involved.  Play is our highest and first form of research… of learning and discovery.  So why do some of us not consider work to be playful?  Does it really serve us to wrap up our worth in our salary and job performance?  What I see is that we learn this at a very young age; our self-perception and the concept of what constitutes our self-worth.

Even at the age of 2, my neice has emotional reactions about not being able to find a book that she wants.  Why does she worry so much, she’s 2!  She grows anxious as she searches alone and then she asks for my help.  Then she reassures me and herself by saying, “It’s somewhere.”  She is still playful at this point and we look under things and go around the house.  She exercises logic and comforting strategies to keep herself grounded in the search.  She wants that book and I know we won’t get her to eat dinner until it’s found and thoroughly read.  As the book does not appear in all the familiar places, she grows more concerned and her playfulness, her engagement with the process of discovering different possibilities lessens and she says, “Jea, where is it?”  She just wants me to give it to her at this point.  This is human nature, it is not learned….we want the easy route.  In fact, much of our innovation and path finding is in pursuit of an “easier way.”

The closer I study this in human behaviour and experiences, the more I see the fragility of our condition and our power as a creative force in this world. 

Today I was a receptionist with a huge debt for an education that wasn’t at all necessary to do the tasks I was performing and yet, I was learning and I felt that I was adding to my self-worth because the other way of seeing myself in that role. The perception I chose was choosing that role as a learning experience, not a default to circumstances.  The power of being a beginner is not in what we do, but in rediscovering and conquering the fears we have about being “wrong”, making “mistakes”, not being “good enough” or “smart enough”…not having enough and basically, not “being” enough.  I will never be enough. Enough what….Human?   This logic pleases me and gives me a good laugh.  Now, I really get to enjoy being me, and the honest learning can occur, from which the expansive creations will emerge.  I am Jea.  I create possibilities….and I have fun doing it.

Janice Down the Rabbit Hole