It’s so great to be back. Even though it wasn’t a huge length of time to be away, and I was reluctant to leave Taiwan to return to the colder but cleaner west coast, it feels as if I’m coming back to a new place. Perhaps I changed and the joy is seeing the familiar as if it is new again.
One day at a time from here. We’ll see where the winds blow and how the roots hold.
The most common question asked of me (and most foreigners to Taiwan) is “Why did you come here?” Indeed, this is the question many people ask whenever one decides to leave a familiar place to explore something foreign. My answers have varied from ” I followed a boy here,” to “I wanted a change,” to “I wanted to make some money to pay off loans” to “I don’t know.” The 3rd is the most authentic, and the most accurate while the others have all just been rationalizations, excuses, qualifiers. Rationals are so very important aren’t they? We need them more than sex, more than food. We can live a day without food or sex, but we probably couldn’t do a day without a rationale. I’m pretty sure I read that in a book, the title of which I have forgotten.
And so I just love the arts for allowing and requiring me to shut down the left brain buzz of analysis and rationalizations.
These words of G.B. Shaw are validating for me when I feel the unnecessary pressures of finding a good enough reason to begin or to end an exploration.
This is the true joy in life, the being used for a
purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the
being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the
scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a
feverish selfish little clod of ailments and
grievances complaining that the world will not devote
itself to making you happy. George Bernard Shaw
When I decided to go to Spain to walk the Camino de Santiago, it was something similar. I simply felt joyful to embark on a unique and challenging adventure. The purpose to live playfully, curious about the world and its people, helps me to learn about myself and grow. The accomplishments I most highly regard of my experiences so far, have not been those that promised prestige, stability or wealth (on the contrary, they’ve been at the expense of these somtimes); they have been experiences that I opened myself to because I felt drawn to them.
I’ve always felt that my privilege of being a Filipino-Canadian immigrant meant that I must live my life to the fullest joy possible, or my parents’ sacrifice and dedication to my upbringing and the lives of people who died in the name of “freedom” would have been in vein. They fought for the the options I now have, and although sometimes the scope of them can be paralyzing when making decisions, they are leading me down some incredibly fascinating pathways.
We are living on borrowed time and borrowed soil, with boundless opportunities to create and experience Joy and Love. I can’t think of a reason why I shouldn’t have come.
As my friend Yuta put it, “The world rotates at more than 14,000 miles per hour. We should do our best to keep up.”
It is the search that brought me into this world, it is what keeps me here, and it is what will lead me home to Creator.
Do you remember what it was like to be 13 and 14 years old? I just finished teaching Drama 7/8 split class and it brought me right back to that harry scary stage. They would not have guessed but I was nervous too. I was left with the instruction to start them on improvisation and pantomime. So we played one of my favourite games “What are you doing?” in which you must pantomime an action and when asked, “What are you doing?” you name a different action, and the person next to you in the circle must do the action you name. Towards the end of the game, one student who began the class in a sleeping mental state said for his action, “I’m taking over the world.” He’s a little guy in height and build but it’s obvious that he has a daring edge. The polite gentile young student next to him was at a loss for an action that would demonstrate ‘taking over the world’. So I brought it to the group. ‘How would you each like to show Taking Over The World in a gesture?” and the daring student said, “Like Hitler,” and raised his arm up. I heard someone say, “Um, I don’t think we should do Hitler.” But we did. I allowed it so we could feel it in our bodies, and very quickly after honouring the suggestion, it died away and as an intervention I offered the gesture of holding the hand of the person next to me as “Conquering the World”. (I know, it’s corny, but it felt a lot better than Hitler) and though they squirmed, they reached out for the hands to each side of them. What’s interesting is that I didn’t directly instruct them to do it. I asked them to join me by doing it. Some squirmed at holding the hand of a boy or a girl, but they did it anyway. Was it to please the teacher? Maybe. Probably. But they kept holding hands and even started swinging them. We were swinging holding hands only moments after vibrating with the thoughts of Hitler. I believe that each group, through each individual mind and soul, calls upon the images and metaphors that will help them express what they are going through and what they need. Who is the “Hitler” in their lives? And later guns came up in their improvised play and then another student said, “Wave a flag” and we ended up waving our own individual flags. The drama therapist in me had a great time moving through the motions. It was amazing how much we explored in only 50 minutes. The period afterwards is a planning period during which I’m writing these notes now to share. Ms. Erica walked by and check-in, “How’s it going?” “Good, I just had Drama 7/8. It’s going well.” “I knew it would,” she says in her New Yorican accent which I just love. “Those kids, they’re all about hormones. They are just into their own thing. They are like that in all their classes, it’s not you, don’t worry.” She had experienced their resistance to play and essentially to risk learning and creating. “They don’t have the fire in their belly like the other kids (grade 5/6). It’s like someone poured a bunch of water on it and put it out. It’s not that they’re bored or they don’t like you, they just don’t have that fire.” She was right to a degree, but their lights are not completely out, they just need time to learn about it’s power before unleashing it. Because when they stood in a circle moving from holding guns to holding hands, they let me see their lights flicker a bit. It really is a most privileged and powerful role, the teacher.
“Have fun with it. That’s the best thing you can do,” the assistant teacher says to me. Ms. Erica is from New York, “New Yorican” she says; a New Yorker from Puerto Rico. Talk about intimidating, I had to read a spanish book while she watched me stumble over Mexican names. Try saying, “Queztzalcoatl” 5 times! It’s a great story though, called “How We Came to the Fifth World” by Harriet Rohmer and Mary Anchondo. It was a 45 minute class and it took 5 minutes to make a circle. They arrived late and so after reading the story, they only had 10 minutes to start sketching their favourite parts of the story.
Looking at this schedule, this teacher has only 7 planning periods in a week out of 25 total periods. Hats off to Grade school teachers!
It’s a small school of only 293 students but the workload is heavy because one does art and drama for grades 1 - 12.
“And, ya never get it right,” Erica says. A good reminder to relax when self-evaluating.
I have survived two 12.5 hr long teaching days, and 4 more to go. In the morning and afternoon, I’m at Kaohsiung American School substituting for the highschool math teacher. From 4.30 - 8.30pm I’m at Joy English School where I teach English to children ages 7 - 12. With so much activity in the day it’s a challenge to get to sleep at night, but going to the school in the morning has been surprisingly enjoyable. Perhaps that is because I know that I’m not actually accountable for teaching them the algebra and calculus concepts that I have forgotten. They really do know more than I, when it comes to math. Even the the pre-algebra is a tough stretch for my memory. What is a function?
I was supposed to be subbing for the math teacher all week but last minute today they asked me to sub for the drama/art teacher who is going to be considered for working on production and performance on a film in Italy. My day will start bright and chilly at 6am and I’ll have an hour break between schools and then come home at 8.30pm. I can only manage it because I don’t do any planning or marking as a sub. It’ll be a nice opportunity to see what the schedule of a drama/art teacher of a K-12 international school feels like, and it will call on my creativity which is always a joy. I’m really looking forward to working with the elementary grades in art too. They are more at my level of practice, I think.
I am not homesick as much as I was last month, during (what are usually) the holidays. I’m booked to arrive in Vancouver January 19th and I think, by the way things feel right now, that I may come back if there is an opportunity to teach at an accredited international school. We’ll see.
Holy Moly, it’s just past 4am and I’ve spent most of the evening browsing couchsurfer profiles. Some really interesting people out there.
I wanna go home but I kinda don’t. But if I stay here longer, I’ve got to make this my home and I kinda don’t wanna. So I’m going home and but not to what used to be my home. Gonna take a feel for Vancouver.
